I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
