He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
