I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He felt like a one man threesome
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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