all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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