he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
