I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
