I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
