His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
