there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
