Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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