I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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