I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
