Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
