3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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