he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
