Is it normal to miss your booty call?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
