I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
