i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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