he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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