How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
