i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
