And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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