Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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