Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
