I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
