don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
