It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
