Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
