first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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