I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
