the condom got lost in my hair
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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