nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
