Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
