You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
