Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
