You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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