Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
