i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
