Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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