Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
