I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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