So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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