you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
