i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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