Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
