I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
