yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
