I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
