I'm gonna have a badass scar
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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