Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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