I smell stomach acid.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
